Auld Lang Syne

It's the end of the year when people start thinking about what to do in the next one and try not to think about all they didn't do in the past one. For possibly the first time in my life, I'm not irritated by the past year or remotely exhasperated with all that I did not accomplish. This past year was also the first time I had moments where I wasn't looking to the future and thinking about how great my life is going to be. Rather, these were moments of joy with the present. For the first time in my life, I was happy with my life at the exact moment I was living it. Not in retrospect, not in some abstract future, but in the wonderful present.

2006 was the first year I can look back on without regret or unhappiness over some unfulfilled resolution. Since I haven't made any formal resolutions since possibly middle school, the year becomes less about attaining some set goal than about simply taking what comes my way and living as happily and as fully as I can. This year I feel I did. There were so many things I did this year that, if you had told me I would be doing them in, say, January, I never would have believed it. I would have thought it would be nice if that were my life, but unlikely that it would ever occur. But now I've made it my life. The misty ideal in my head has become reality more than ever before and I'm able to both enjoy my present life and still plan ahead for all the amazing things of my future.

Before this year, I was always looking forward and not stopping to take stock of the moment I was living in. College, according to practically any adult you ask, is the best four years of your life. Up until Junior year, I was dimly aware of this and perfectly content to be at college. I loved Smith, I was happy with my classes and my friends didn't trouble me overmuch. But this past semester, I really do think this is the time. This is it. This is quite possibly as good as it gets. Which isn't as depressing as it sounds. I'm not despairing of the future when all will be dull and taxes. It can be great, too. But right now is the time I'm really savouring. Right now I'm living my life and, for the first time, in 2006, I'm completely, divinely and giddily in love with it. I love my life! If I got nothing else out of 2006, that effervescent joy would be enough. But, of course, I got other, equally wonderful things out of the past year and that just adds another layer.