...In other news, I continue to be disappointed by the other members of the program. You might recall Courtney and I having our first "real" conversation about what a let-down the other students are. This disappointment has spread to Mike as well and the four of us (Mike, Yuan, Courtney and myself) commiserated over it last night. Yuan is very much blithely unaware of any social structure or cliques in the program since, as Courtney put it, he operates along a similar level as Mr. Magoo. He kind of reminds me of Grandpa. He's an extremely affable guy with the best intentions at heart and the determination to do whatever he puts his mind to. Where Mike, Courtney and I would stand around waffling about something, Yuan would grab the nearest passerby and ask their opinion on the matter. He's good to have around since he counterbalances the prevailing shyness of us other three.
But to continue with my most recent disappointment: In class today, we were looking at and discussing political prints from the 1770s and 1780s. Marisa/Melissa had bravely taken up the torch and was waxing on about which characteristics were portrayed as females and which were males. (Example being that all delicate features such as peace and composure are female whereas warlike things are inevitably male.) To me, this was both a perfectly valid point and one raised quite often at Smith, unsurprisingly. Emad, a student from UVA but on our program, turned to the girl next to me and inquired in a loud undertone, "Does she go to Smith?" The girl next to me hissed back, "What?" "Does she go to Smith?" Emad repeated, this time gesticulating more forcefully towards Marisa/Melissa. "What? No...She goes to UMass," replied the girl next to me. Emad nodded to himself and returned to staring blankly at the print under discussion.
How infuriating! Simply because she brings up an issue involving women, he automatically assumes she goes to Smith and is unnecessarily militaristic regarding women's rights. She was speaking in a historical context and, even if she wasn't, it's a perfectly valid point since these sort of archetypes are still used today and it still doesn't make any sense. I was quite offended by Emad's assumption. I can see where he would get it from, but that doesn't make it any better. The whole program's like that. Judging based on snippets or appearance.
But back to Tuesday. After our law tutorial, Christina, Marisa/Melissa and I stole a croquet set and set about trying to figure out how to play. Both Marisa/Melissa and myself had played a little when we were younger but couldn't remember the point for the life of us. We just ended up making a completely bizarre course with very little point other than getting the ball through the randomly placed hoops. It was pretty hysterical since a bunch of tourists stopped and video-taped our game because they thought we were good, clean-cut British students out playing a relaxing game of afternoon croquet. Christina and I waved our Queen's waves as Marisa/Melissa sniggered in the background.
After croquet (or, since we had basically invented a new came, we called it American Crocket), I retired back to my room and more law readings. Since we're going to Paris this weekend, I find myself hip-deep in work for next week. Both Mike and I have agreed that we probably should have taken a look at our syllabi before launching off to Paris. He and Courtney have some papers due early next week and I have my most important law presentation. Paris had better be amazing to make up for all this academic hassle it's causing us!
We had our first colloquium lecture-thing last night which I attended. It was quite good, actually. The lecturer was named Christopher Ricks and seemed to be the world's greatest living expert on Thomas Hardy as a poet and, rather funnily, Bob Dylan as a poet. He made deciphering poetry seem like the simplest thing in the world and he had such a pleasing accent it was lovely to hear him recite Hardy's poems. So that was enjoyable and then we all walked back to the main hall for our late, formal dinner. I was seated across from Quinn who is a certified insane person. She proceeded to shout her life story at the two girls next to her for the entire meal which made it impossible for me hear anything anyone else said with the exception of Courtney who was seated directly beside me. Occasionally, I could hear Mike and, even more rarely, Amy but mostly I sat and drank a lot of water.
We all went back to our rooms after dinner since everyone was anxious to divest themselves of their formal attire. (Mike seems to have a particular dislike of his tie and jacket. I inquired if ties were really that uncomfortable, since I've never worn one, but he said they weren't so bad, which leaves the question of why he's so peeved with them open to debate.) Anyway, I got back to my room and Lauren was blissfully absent. Annoyance with her is spreading through the program by way of the people in all her classes. I met a woman named Anna from her architecture class who is on the verge of murdering Lauren. She just talks incessantly and repetitively about herself and it can be pretty annoying. So Lauren wasn't in the room which made me quite happy and I was able to read an article on King George III from the Oxford Dictionary of National Biography in relative peace.
When Lauren did return to the room, she had lost her voice. This, of course, did not stop her from talking. "It's so weird," she rasped. "Because it's not like I was doing a lot of talking or anything." Right. Not at all. Since she refused to give her voice a rest, I was subjected to a sick and whispering Lauren which is even more annoying than just your basic Lauren. I don't know why, but the fact that she continued to whisper was supremely irritating. After rambling about how she was feeling at the moment, she abruptly switched tacks and proceeded to give me this ultimatum about having people over. She doesn't like it when people come over to the room and hang out and talk to me after she's gone into her room and shut the door. It just keeps her awake knowing that someone might come to talk to me so, even if they don't, she can't sleep. And if they do come, our voices keep her awake. And if they do come and then leave without saying a word, the opening and closing of the door keeps her awake. Just the possibility that the door might open and close keeps her awake. So could I please just stay in the room or hang out somewhere else?
I don't know if I've ever been so angered by anything she's ever said to me. It is completely Laura all over again! I don't know who I've offended and what greater power I've angered, but I'm really, truly sorry. Henceforth, I would really appreciate good roommates.
At any rate, at this point, I had already invited Courtney over to read in my room since Simone (Courtney's roommate) was already completely drunk and the two of them have a secret hatred of each other anyway. I asked Lauren as calmly as I could if it was all right for Courtney to come into our room and sit quietly and not talk. Yeah, that was fine, but there was just something about Courtney's voice that keeps Lauren up. By this point I was completely turned off to Lauren and focused with an intensity that only comes to me in moments of severe irritation on my George III article (still not finished). Lauren kept yammering on in her annoying whispering rasp and I continued to pointedly ignore her and read my article. Eventually, Courtney showed up and Lauren repeated choice bits of the ultimatum to Courtney. Courtney proceeded to pretend to be asleep so Lauren would stop talking to her but that, of course, didn't work. Nothing like not having a voice and people falling asleep around her would stop Lauren.
At this moment of extreme frustration (Courtney had had a pretty bad night as well), Mike finally came through on his promise to stop by my room "later." We both almost leaped up and hugged him. Since we were both pretty punchy by that point, Courtney and I kept making veiled allusions to our horrible nights since leaving dinner and Mike was lost within five minutes. Then there was another knock on the door. It was one of the horribly humorous moments. The night Lauren chooses to tell me not to have people over, everyone comes over. The door opened and in stepped Yuan. It was a perfect combination of wretchedness and hilarity. Courtney and I couldn't stop laughing really and we all decided to go up to Mike's room where we could talk in a way that wasn't all code so Lauren wouldn't catch on.
So we went up and I stayed in Mike's room until 12:35, all of us talking and griping and telling of our nights. We all (except Yuan) shared our similar frustrations with the social aspects of the program and then Mike showed us some goofy SNL clips to cheer us up. Both the nights of Courtney and myself were funny in their retelling, but it didn't stop my stomach from telling me it was all getting to be too much. The combination of Bill Speck's echoing disappointment and the increasing difficulty of living with Lauren had provoked by body into its most stressful state and produced a horrible feeling of sickness in my stomach. It all happened very fast but, by 12:35, I felt like I would faint if I didn't lie down. I made quick and awkward goodbyes to everyone in Mike's room and fled back downstairs where I sickly collapsed onto my bed. I haven't felt that rotten since, oh, the last time I had a roommate, back in the spring of 2005. I felt quite thoroughly ill but knew I couldn't do anything about it other than distract my mind from the problems before it. So I set about forcing my mind to other topics and purposefully not thinking about my stomach or any of my problems. It isn't easy to think that hard while trying to fall asleep, but eventually I convinced my stomach I was as carefree as a Doris Day movie and was able to fall asleep.
This morning I was stoic and unresponsive to anything Lauren said which actually worked in shutting her up. There are only two things I really need from her. 1. I need her to never go into my room with my express permission and 2. I need here to not talk to me if I'm obviously working on something. That's all I need. If she infringes either of these two things again, I'm going to speak to her about it. It's hardball time. If she can do it, I can bring it, too.
Class this morning with Bill Speck was better. As it turns out, he did have other things on his mind when he reprimanded us on Monday. He was being observed by someone who was deciding whether or not to renew the class for next year's program and we made the class look bad, apparently. As he told me in our private meeting later (after I expressed disappointment that I had botched my presentation), "I realized you weren't all born knowing what I wanted." I'm glad he got that. He was extremely specific in what he wanted from us on Monday which, while I personally have nothing due Monday, it was nice to know for future reference. He knows he has to be specific with us now. He also rather cryptically told me in regards to my performance on Monday, "You win some, you lose some." Does that mean he did take credit for me? He boggles me but no longer angers me.
I'll wrap up now even though there's always more to say. Unbelievably, these e-mails are condensed! Anyway, I got your wonderful package today and was so giddy with everything you sent. The entire Week in Review section looks wonderful and it was sweet of you to send a key-chain along. I am still using the paperclip, so good call on that one! The cookies have been enjoyed by myself, Simone and Courtney as of now and I have already decided Lauren is not getting any. Call it petty, if you like, but I'm feeling rather petty towards her at the moment.
I love you both and hope all is well!
-Corey
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